Can I Afford to Give?: Questions Answered

There was a great question asked in the comments regarding the “Can I Afford to Give” posting on Monday, and I thought it would be a great one to respond to in a new post. The question was:

“What if you currently live paycheck to paycheck? How do you give anything with rent, utilities, groceries, and gas to get to work? Also, what if you have an unbelieving spouse who does not understand the commandment from God? Do you tithe and give, or keep the peace at home? I am sure I’m not the only one thinking this, but maybe only brave enough to ask.”

There are two parts to this question so let’s look at each one individually. First, when you find yourself living paycheck to paycheck you need to find out exactly why. Easiest way to do this is to make a written budget. Dave Ramsey, a Christian financial expert, has written and spoke to millions of people regarding this type of budgeting system and it works. Basically, before each month starts make a financial task list. Start with what income you will be receiving at the top. Next, start listing all the regular expenses that you pay each month in the following order (we’ll use an imaginary $3,500 income with miscellaneous expenses to help show how this works):

Income = $3,500

Tithe (10%) = $350
Savings (10%) = $350
Taxes (15%) = $525
Food (12%) = $420
Utilities (8%) = $280
Mortgage/Rent (30%) = $1,050
Transportation (7%) = $245
Miscellaneous (8%) = $280

Total/Balance = $0.00

I know what most people are thinking after seeing the numbers above, the categories aren’t realistic. Well, they are and they aren’t. $3,500 per month equals $42,000 per year, which is a little under the national average income according the US Dept. of Labor for 2006. But the income aside, most people are spending more on the housing, transportation and miscellaneous categories than they can really afford. What isn’t factored in above is debt. A $350 monthly car payment and $2,100 mortgage payment blow this budget by $1,400 in a hurry. All of the miscellaneous category is probably going towards credit card and other consumer account payments, leaving little or nothing for medical insurance (if not covered through employer) and fun money. It can be very sobering. This is why we do a written budget before the month begins, so that the money is spent in order of the priorities listed above.

The tithe is the Lord’s if you woke up this morning with air in your lungs. The savings is your future, and it’s coming regardless of if we are ready for it or not. Taxes aren’t negotiable. Food, utilities, mortgage/rent, and transportation are all necessities to survive, but the amount we spend in each of those categories can be controlled (Daniel’s steak is great tasting, but I can survive on chicken and rice when needed!). When we find that finances are really tight for an extended period of time, normally a fair amount of the pressure is produced by debt. The car payment(s), credit cards, student loans, equity loans, and all other miscellaneous consumer debt keep our money flying out the door. Fortunately most of this debt can be taken care of over a short amount of time (12-24 months) if we are willing to get serious about changing our consumer lifestyle and focusing on getting our finances in a position for long-term success, a savings and winning lifestyle! Don’t feel bad if you are in this position. Be thankful that you have recognized your financial situation before it gets any worse. Decide today to make a change. As the lifestyle changes and debt is alleviated you’ll begin to get ahead of the paycheck to paycheck situation. There are several ways to speed this up and I’ll address how to get out of debt in greater detail in this coming Thursday’s article.

The second part of the question is a tough situation and it has to be dealt with from more of a relational standpoint. When a marriage is made up of a believing spouse and an unbelieving spouse there is a spiritual disconnect that is occurring. One spouse will be growing and maturing in the faith, while the other is living life as usual. 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 discusses this situation and how it affects the family. The Bible also speaks throughout about maintaining peace and love in relationships and within the home. Perhaps the best scriptures though for this situation is looking at Ephesians 5:20-33. In this chapter Paul is discussing the spiritual authority chain that Christ established for us to follow. It talks about wives submitting to the authority He has placed on husbands, and for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. There are two key elements to take from the authority chain the Lord has established here. As a married woman, God places the final responsibility for all decisions as they relate to the marriage on the husband. Remember in Genesis when Adam tried to swift the blame onto his wife Eve for eating the forbidden fruit? God slapped him silly by basically saying it is your wife, you should know what’s going on and if you don’t speak up. God held him as the husband as equally responsible. That’s not to say woman are off the hook, as each person’s actions or inaction’s will be judged before God, but it does show that because God has given men the position of “head of the home” that they will be judged about how well they managed the home.

So here’s how you have to approach the situation of giving tithes in your relationship. Sit down and discuss your personal convictions about the tithe with your spouse. Don’t preach at them or say that they are going to hell if they don’t go along with you. Simply share your beliefs with them in a loving and informative way as to why it is an important element of your faith to give a tithe. One method may be that if you both bring income into the home that you set aside the tithe on the portion that you are contributing as a start. If your husband is unwilling to accept anything like this then it leaves you only one course of action. Turn it over to God. When husband, or wife for matter, is not open to hearing or following the Lord then you must as a believing spouse intercede on their behalf. You can pray for an opening of their heart and responsiveness to the Spirits prompting of them. It may take days or several years before the change occurs, but the important part is keeping your faith active and maturing and let God work on your spouse. More spouses get pushed away emotionally and spiritually when the believing spouse holds the Bible in their face constantly and preaches a “holier than thou” or “turn or burn” message. A lifestyle of grace, mercy, forgiveness and unending prayer can break doors that no other words could penetrate. Unless the unbelieving spouse is asking you to do something immoral or forcing you to deny your faith in Christ, interceding for a transformation is all that can be done. As the final authority as the head of the home, the Lord will hold Him responsible if he does not permit the tithe to be given.

Hopefully this helps clarify what can be done in your situation, but please let me know if you would like more help or information on this topic.